Showing posts with label East Village. Show all posts
Showing posts with label East Village. Show all posts

Monday, February 14, 2011

Nino's Pizza: "Think of the children!"

. Here's the thing that should pretty much sum up Nino's: I have been come here a few times over the course of the last I don't even remember how many years, and I never remember that it's here. Like, I just always forget. If asked me where the closest pizzeria was to St. Marks and Ave A, I'd probably say Stromboli (right before telling them it SUCKS). That's because I remember that this place is there.

Right off the bat I liked the fact that this place had hotdog rolls that looked like uncircumsized penises, but that was pretty much all it had going for it.

Me and Ann were split on this one. I thought it was totally middle of the road, and she thought it was HORRIBLE. Here's my take: this slice would be good if the cheese didn't suck. It was cooked pretty good, excellent crunch. The dough was not exceptional, but it was decent. The sauce might've sucked, actually, but I couldn't taste it because of the cheese, which overpowered everything. It tasted crummy and had a weird texture. I described it as "mealy" and Ann said "it's like slime." After her first bite she said, "I'm not taking another bite of that pizza." But despite the cheese, I didn't think it was so bad and I willingly finished the rest of the slice, although Ann muttered "you disgust me," under her breath the whole time. But I honestly didn't think it was so bad! I would eat this again and not mind and if I was drunk I would LOVE it. Plus it's only two bucks!


Nino's - $2.00
131 St. Marks Pl (at Ave A)
New York, NY 10009

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Enzo's Pizza: "This place is nothing special."

As I was standing in the street taking a picture, a cop came swerving up into the bike lane and jammed on his brakes to a stop and then got out and went into to get a slice and just left his car unattended in the bike lane. Me and Ann entered the pizzeria after him and left before him. He was still sitting there slowly eating a slice and staring vacantly when we went back outside and his car was still blocking the bike lane and causing cyclists to jut out into traffic in order to get around him. Nice going, officer. Thanks!

This slice was undercooked. It could have been a little better if it was cooked well, but even then, the crust was totally bland and there was not enough sauce. So maybe it would've been a little better, but it wouldn't have been GOOD. It just wouldn't have been bad. Before we tasted it, I asked Ann what word or phrase came to mind when she looked at this slice and she said, "mediocrity." For some reason when I saw this slice I thought "cunnilingus" and then immediately thought "tiny tongue." What does it mean? I'll ask my shrink and get back to you.

Anyway, the rundown on this slice:
  • Would've been better if cooked more but still wouldn't be good.
  • Not enough sauce.
  • Middling cheese.
  • BLAND dough.

Enzo's Pizza - $2.50
50 2nd Ave (2nd & 3rd)
New York, NY 10003

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Empire Pizza II: "We live in a city of many pizzerias. Just walk past this one."

! I don't usually like to link or talk about yelp, but there is no other listing for this page, and I think it is important to note that most of the reviews are written by people from Chicago staying at some hotel down the street. Tourists seem to like it, but for real, this place stinks! Way worse than Empire Pizza I.

What a shitty slice! The cheese tastes like chemicals, the sauce tastes like paste, the crust tastes "wafery," according to Ann. It is soggy and flimsy and it smells like shit and the whole thing seems to be made of plastics. This is "food" moreso than food.

Plus, check out how gnarly their other pies look:


Empire Pizza II - $2.50
35 1st Ave (2nd & 3rd)
New York, NY 10003

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

South Brooklyn Pizza: "Fuggedaboutit! No, really. Forget about this place."

Yesterday, it was my good friend Ann Fitz's birthday, and she spent part of it eating pizza with me! Ann is a generally no-nonsense, take no shit broad who has been a firm and steadfast friend of mine for a decade. She is a wonderful lady and she knows a lot about food, being an excellent cook herself. Our first pizza-stop was a signless, unmarked storefront on 1st Ave called South Brooklyn Pizza.

This place is VERY charming. The guy working behind the counter had this horrid wig on and looked like a Marx Brother, or perhaps the Fourth Stooge, and he was totally razzing me the whole time. Like, I ordered one slice and he was like, "what about her?" pointing at Ann.
So I told him, "we're gonna share."
And he says, "Yeah, you want I should cut it in three?"
"Excuse me?"
"Well, you said we're gonna share, I assume you're not leaving me out."
As he handed me the slice he asked me if I was "a virgin to this pizza." Not having learned my lesson from going to Rocky Horror as a yout', I nodded yes. He winked at me and quietly said, "well you'll be walking home bow-legged," before loudly assuring both me and Ann that we'd never want to eat any other pizza ever again.

Well, he was wrong! Not that this was bad. It's fine, if not amazing, but it did not at all satisfying the craving I was having for a NY slice, and the Napoli/New York Hybrid Style they are trying to do here is just done better elsewhere, like at Little Luzzo's, for instance. And where a place like Little Luzzo's uses quality ingredients but keeps the price reasonable, South Brooklyn Pizza serves a regular size slice (in a really adorable and pleasant storefront), with slightly better quality ingredients, for $4.00! That is too much for a slice of pizza unless you are in Tokyo. And the results are questionable, to boot.

The on this slice is unarguably incredible. Like, it is perfect pizza dough. Perfect! Salty enough, yeasty enough, excellent texture--it has everything. And the sauce was good, too, though not exceptional. But the cheese. Oh, the cheese. The mozzarella was fine. Not great, not bad, but totally fine. Decent elasticity, decent taste. But then there was what Ann called the "smattering of additional cheese," which we argued about for a while but eventually decided was probably pecorino. Either way, it wasn't really working so good. It added an unnecessarily sharp flavor to the slice, that stood out in a bad way and just generally distracted from what would've been a decent, if over priced, slice of artisanal pizza. Ann said, "you know that old adage 'less is more?' They need to learn about that." And she's right. If this slice were less busy it'd be great, but I still wouldn't come here because it would still be too expensive. At least Artichoke's $4.00 slice is HUGE.


Points off for ridiculous price and also ruining something kind of okay. Would've been like a 5.5 or 6 otherwise.

South Brooklyn Pizza - $4.00
122 1st Ave (7th & St Marks)
New York, NY 10003

Monday, January 31, 2011

Stromboli: "This place has bummed me out for like 15 years now."

has been disappointing me for like, a dozen years now, although since they remodeled it's easier to discern that the place has no credibility. It used to look like this really legit greasy corner spot:

But since the renovations it looks like the below-average establishment that it is. It doesn't look like a pizzeria anymore inside either. Inside it looks like one of those yuppie-rustic restaurants that look like an airplane hangar. There was a giant flatscreen playing a Spanish overdub of , though, so that was cool.

This slice is deceptive because it looks okay! And the sauce and cheese are totally fine but the dough is just SO BAD it brings the whole thing down into the shit. The ratios are even good! If they would just get their crust game a little tighter this place would be an A+. Firstly, the dough is sweet. That's no good. Pizza dough should be slightly salty and yeasty, but never sweet. Sweet dough is for dessert. Secondly it is a terrible consistency. I'm thinking this is because they don't let it rise adequately, because the dough is really brittle and has the texture of corrugated cardboard.

Thirdly, this is a total screen crust, as it is imprinted with that mark of the most unprofessional pizza makers. And Stromboli has been on that corner for ages, so they have no excuse for not having learned how to make a decent slice yet. Finally, the crust is tacked on and there was this weird uncooked strip between the slice and the crust that looked like a 90s pornstar tan line. Ultimately, this place is a huge YUCK.

Hopefully Cory will post a comment about the time he freaked out on mushrooms in the bathroom when he was a teenager, because if I remember, that was a funny story.


Stromboli Pizza - $2.75
83 St. Marks Place (at 1st)
New York, NY 10003
怎么样进入赌单双软件 手机棋牌输了几百万 怎么购买手机赌博软件 我爱彩票邀请码是多少 快钱彩票官网 手机版彩票过滤工具 怎么举报网络彩票 怎么下载波克棋牌 快乐十分二十选八走势图 快乐棋牌游戏